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A greetings and story from Balames87
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AnchorKnight
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 29, 2019 11:43 am
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Greetings.

Balames87/JohnLobo87 here and I wanted to share a little as to what has been going on. Firstly, I'd like to say a very big thank you to all who made my old channels as popular as they were. I had a lot of fun producing and livestreaming. As some of you may know, Russianstorm and I have collaborated and formed a new channel. What I believe is a question some may have asked is why we closed our other channels. For me, the reason was that I became burned out of making videos. I have made videos in the past discussing this topic and though I did enjoy producing videos over the years, with work and life's events taking over, YouTube simply became more of a chore than a pleasure. The time came for me to just enjoy games and not feel the need to complete everything. In hindsight, I do wish that I had left Balames87 up and just gave it some maintenance. As far as JohnLobo87,I have considered reopening it and keeping it as just an archive. No new content will be produced from me for the foreseeable future. As far as why RussianStorm closed her channel, I cannot speak for her. Perhaps she will make a post on here. I dont know.

The next point I'd like to address is why no new content. The truth of this matter is that I have been overcome with a very rare neurological disease. Without getting too detailed, I can say that I am now legally blind. This is a symptom of the disease and unfortunately, there is no diagnosis as of yet. This illness has taken much from me including the possibility that i may need to let go of my career. How can I type this if I am legally blind? I can see... barely. All things are blurry and appear to be washed out. I am also colorblind. I can see things when they are very close and so I can see the keyboard on my phone enough to type. Along with my vision problems, I have limited movement. I can walk but there was a point where I feared I would lose that entirely. I have an imbalance which requires me to have some type of support. There is more to this but I feel this is enough information for this post. The point is it is exceptionally difficult for me to play games let alone create videos. This is why RS plays mostly and I commentate alongside.

With all of this said, the fact is I do miss YouTube. We take for granted many things in life be it large or small. A simple walk to collect the mail instantly becomes an impasse. We can be positive and think that this, too, shall pass. It's all I can do, to be honest. Take it one day at a time. If it passes then perhaps I will continue with my walkthroughs. There is much to do. However, it is also possible this is permanent. If this is the case, then all I can say is thank you to my viewers for being with me all these years. There were a lot of ups and downs, but through it all, I loved every minute of it.

So there you have it. Onward and upward, as they say. I hope that all who read this may join us on our new channel. There may be a lot of livestreaming but it is because it's the easiest way to bring content for the time being. Again, I can't speak for her, but maybe RussianStorm will produce new videos of her own in the future. She is my anchor.

-Balames87
JohnLobo87

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 29, 2019 1:58 pm
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Livestreaming is perfect for the first impressions and commentary styles been done so far, so I look forward to catching what I can of the two of you.

I am sorry to hear life has taken this turn for you, but it sounds like you're making the best of the situation, and there's still a semblance of hope. I wish you the best.

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 29, 2019 2:38 pm
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Thank you, zombie_plan. That means a lot to us.

Btw to anyone interested, johnlobo87 is back up:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0XCKX7nEaGfiWu2cTyh4_g

It's disorganized for the time being and not all videos are up yet. I'll be going in and sprucing it up over time.
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 29, 2019 8:40 pm
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Balames87/JohnLobo87 - I don't know you, but you're in my prayers. I hope you can get a proper diagnosis and some sort of treatment for it.
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 30, 2019 4:17 am
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Thank you, Biergut.

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 01, 2019 5:49 am
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I'm glad to hear from you pal, and very sorry to hear about your health, don't know what to say beside offering my empathy and hope this will heal or at least improve.
It does make me appreciate life and health more...and you are so young, this is such sad news. Turns life makes (without our control and consent) with us at most trying to make lemonade out of lemons.
I'm glad you two still collaborate.

I have been always your big fan and supporter and was sorry to see you stop being active (glad to hear your channel is back up), will always happy to see you come back in any way or form. We loved your "Blade of Agony" videos, and still working hard on Chapter 3.
I'm sorry to see how quick some people in the community were to judge you without knowing all the details.

I'm always your friend.

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 01, 2019 7:29 am
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doomjedi wrote:

I'm sorry to see how quick some people in the community were to judge you without knowing all the details.

Nice jab. But accusations like that, while serious, don't hold much weight if you lack the courage to name the accused.

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 01, 2019 10:33 am
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serpens wrote:
doomjedi wrote:

I'm sorry to see how quick some people in the community were to judge you without knowing all the details.

Nice jab. But accusations like that, while serious, don't hold much weight if you lack the courage to name the accused.

It wouldn't be the first time someone faked cancer or an illness to get attention/sympathy.

Better warn lingyang to stop making youtube playthroughs all day long too before he loses his eyesight. Wink
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 01, 2019 12:53 pm
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@doomjedi Thank you for your kind words. I realize your intent was not to cause any kind of drama, but just so I am clear, I don't care if this is true. If what I'm inferring is correct, some think I am faking this. You know as as well as I that I don't care what people think of me. The reason I don't care is because it doesn't affect me either physically or mentally. Don't get me wrong; I like having an audience and the fanbase that I developed over the years. It's that all people have their opinions and I've stopped trying to please everyone a long while ago. Have opinions shaped my channel over the years? Yes. Regardless of if the opinion was positive or negative, if the opinions shaped me in a positive way so I feel good about my content, then yes. People think what they want and at the end of the day, personal opinions affect only the one thinking it. I explained why I closed the old account and I am back because YouTube, as a vessel for what I've done, makes me happy. The least of my concerns are what some strangers think of me over the internet.

@serpens I don't see it as a jab of any sort unless what doomjedi implied is true. He simply stated that there may have been some people who judged too soon and perhaps they don't believe I am disabled. That's fine. It doesn't matter if they believe it. Even if he did name the accused, what good would that bring? How much weight would it add? They could deny it or simply say it isn't a big deal, which it isn't.

@Chris This is true. People do things like this all the time. I'm not here to prove myself to anyone because what have I to gain? I'm not looking for money even though I've been unable to work and haven't received a paycheck for over two months with no idea of if I'll ever be able to work again. There's no fame or attention that I was missing or wanting. Did I like others watching? Sure, but I could have left the channel closed and not lost any sleep. I'm not in need of sympathy, though I am grateful for the kind words I have been receiving over the passed few days. It's good to know people care and it does help. I am also aware that you were not implying that I was attempting to be one of these attention seekers although it's possible that what you said is somehow conducive to what doomjedi said. It doesnt matter. My point is I reopened my channel because I like what I've done and if others want to view it then it's there.

My point in all of this is that i would appreciate this thread to be free of drama. We are a community and like any other community, we'll have our differences and disagreements amongst each other. We are here to enjoy a pastime whether we create, play, watch or all three to a game that we all value. We are here to kill Nazis, not become them.
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 01, 2019 1:33 pm
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Most of the drama related to RussianStorm and her channel (less to John), but in general - the whole thing added to 2 important Wolf3D channels disappearing practically at the same time created much...drama, at least over discord. Especially when those were done without much explanation, or after emotional disputes with some community members, and I won't take sides here. And especially after some other resources went down recently and community struggles to keep its history on record, while there is parallel attempt to bring new breath into Wolf3D and Wolf3D modding with new wiki, sites, engines etc.
There is somewhat justified or at least understandable aspect to it - community sees those youtube channels as community assets, important archives, and don't want to see them disappearing.
This is the way I treat at least "Team RayCast" forum as well, and don't plan to take it down even if I ever leave it myself (and even if someone pisses me off Smile ).

But that aside - my original post was filled mainly and most of all with true concern over John's health and with me being happy see him and his channel back.
I consider both John and RussianStorm as friends, though my communication with them currently, unlike in the past - is practically gone.

Call me naiive if you wish - I tend to believe people (and their claims) as default, unless I have actual reasons not to. So far in life it worked for me (and sure it's good in cases where my life is not affected either way - be it true of false. It's not like I take mortgage based on John's health state). Especially if the alternative could be me acting like ahole to a sick person.
Lets leave the drama aside and focus on the positive. Yes, I took a jab that didn't go unnoticed, and am responsible for the reaction. Now we are even and lets close it and go back to John and his channel/life/health.

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 01, 2019 3:10 pm
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Biergut wrote:
Balames87/JohnLobo87 - I don't know you, but you're in my prayers. I hope you can get a proper diagnosis and some sort of treatment for it.


I second that.

And I'm curious. You said it was some kind of neurological illness - I'm into neurology and I study medicine. If you want to share the name of the illness with me - I promise to keep it to myself (and I really can be quiet as a grave! I also *have to* as a matter of fact) - PM me.

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 01, 2019 5:13 pm
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Good to hear from you again, Balames87 - and like other people posting here, I'm sorry to hear of your neurological condition, and I don't envy you. I had avoided posting my response on this before because I tend to say the wrong things on this sort of matter unless I watch my words very carefully. It has to do with something on my end and nothing more, so please don't take it personally. Smile

I suffered temporary brain damage as a newborn baby, and I didn't fully recover from that until I stopped drinking raw tap water for several years. These days, I boil raw tap water before I drink it. Same goes for the water in coffee and ice cubes. You might try this and see if it affects your condition in any sort of way.
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 01, 2019 6:07 pm
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Tricob wrote:
Good to hear from you again, Balames87 - and like other people posting here, I'm sorry to hear of your neurological condition, and I don't envy you. I had avoided posting my response on this before because I tend to say the wrong things on this sort of matter unless I watch my words very carefully. It has to do with something on my end and nothing more, so please don't take it personally. Smile

I suffered temporary brain damage as a newborn baby, and I didn't fully recover from that until I stopped drinking raw tap water for several years. These days, I boil raw tap water before I drink it. Same goes for the water in coffee and ice cubes. You might try this and see if it affects your condition in any sort of way.


Thank you, sir. Yes, I can understand what you mean with being careful with what you say. I put my foot in my mouth more often than I'd like, but we learn. I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you, but good to know that you know how to take care of yourself. I'll be sure to keep that in mind about tap water. This is quite the mystery of a disease that I have. I am hopeful that I can be normal again and knowing that people do care helps a lot. It's another reason I reopened my channel. I found that making others happy makes me happy. Take care.
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 02, 2019 11:53 pm
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John, I'm so sorry to hear what has happened. I hope you overcome the issues that you're having and get back to full health.

I've been a on-again off-again viewer for at least 10 years and was sad to you gone when I was looking through my YouTube subscriptions the other week.

I've always enjoyed your commentaries for Wolf3d as there really aren't many channels out there that do what you did. Hopefully one day if you have time (and still have the files), you're able to restore some of your older playthroughs.

I'm currently, once again, binge-watching your Eisenfaust: Legacy playthrough.

Again, all the best - Don't listen to the skeptics.
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2019 4:49 am
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Thank you, Bleeker. I know you've been one of my long time followers and I appreciate all you've said. Thanks for still being around.

I want to say that I regret taking for granted my having YouTube channels. From my perspective, though I enjoyed making videos and having a fanbase, it may have passed over my head that people really want to see and keep those videos up. Yes, I became burned out and life's events took over, but what I failed to see is that the channels were about Wolfenstein, not me. I added my personality and strategy toward the game, but this series and mods ought to be preserved. I don't see this as a mistake on my part. It's a learning experience. There are no mistakes in life. It's all a learning experience. My really old content, I wont post because I can't approve of the things I may have said throughout. As I've grown and received feedback, I learned to adjust. Not only did it make my videos more pleasant and accurate, but it made me a better person. I do apologize for pulling my channels. I'm back and it will stay up. I have more to upload from the past. I still am critical of what I'll be posting, but to archive my content is something I want very much. Thank you again to everyone for your ongoing support.
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2019 5:23 pm
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Oh. For a second there, I confused AnchorKnight with Mighty Knight.
https://www.facebook.com/mightyknightdoom/
https://www.moddb.com/search?q=Mighty+Knight&sa.x=18&sa.y=6

This is the first I remember hearing of RussianStorm.

John, this is sad and I donít know what to say. I hope that you get a diagnosis, treatment, and do much better. Confused

John, I remember a funny video of yours that you uploaded onto your Balames87 channel before you took the channel down. You were playing a mod of Doom with Doom and Wolfenstein graphics put together. In one of the episodes, The Doom Guy walks on the floor as the oversized floor tile changes into George W Bush. As Bush materializes you fall through the floor into his mouth, his mouth moves like heís chewing, and a message appears that youíve been eaten by George W Bush! You were really laughing! I voted for Bush and I donít care that the mod developers were making fun of him. Another episode of the same mod was also outlandish with Wolfenstein graphics walls going up and down in the Doom mod. Thatís how I remember you laughing, itís my favorite video you filmed, and please upload it again from your computer so that I can remember you in happier times! Crying or Very sad

EDIT: If you still have the videos of levels 69 and 70 of All This And Wolf 3D, then please reupload them too! You had fun doing that and I want to remember you as somebody who had fun.
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 05, 2019 6:27 am
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stathmk wrote:
John, I remember a funny video of yours that you uploaded onto your Balames87 channel before you took the channel down. You were playing a mod of Doom with Doom and Wolfenstein graphics put together. In one of the episodes, The Doom Guy walks on the floor as the oversized floor tile changes into George W Bush. As Bush materializes you fall through the floor into his mouth, his mouth moves like heís chewing, and a message appears that youíve been eaten by George W Bush! You were really laughing! I voted for Bush and I donít care that the mod developers were making fun of him. Another episode of the same mod was also outlandish with Wolfenstein graphics walls going up and down in the Doom mod. Thatís how I remember you laughing, itís my favorite video you filmed, and please upload it again from your computer so that I can remember you in happier times! Crying or Very sad

EDIT: If you still have the videos of levels 69 and 70 of All This And Wolf 3D, then please reupload them too! You had fun doing that and I want to remember you as somebody who had fun.


Thank you, stathmk. It means a lot to me that old videos like that are remembered. Unfortunately, I can neither find the video nor remember the name of that mod. Many of my really old videos I didn't save. Can you tell me the name of the mod? Floor 69 I still have and do plan on reuploading. Floor 70, I need to check if I still have.

*Edit* Floor 69 without commentary is all I have. Floor 69 with me talking and floor 70 were deleted with the old channel.

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 05, 2019 11:04 am
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I wish you all the best in life, John.
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 05, 2019 12:13 pm
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Thank you, Poet.

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 06, 2019 5:46 am
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AnchorKnight wrote:
Thank you, Bleeker. I know you've been one of my long time followers and I appreciate all you've said. Thanks for still being around.

I want to say that I regret taking for granted my having YouTube channels. From my perspective, though I enjoyed making videos and having a fanbase, it may have passed over my head that people really want to see and keep those videos up. Yes, I became burned out and life's events took over, but what I failed to see is that the channels were about Wolfenstein, not me. I added my personality and strategy toward the game, but this series and mods ought to be preserved. I don't see this as a mistake on my part. It's a learning experience. There are no mistakes in life. It's all a learning experience. My really old content, I wont post because I can't approve of the things I may have said throughout. As I've grown and received feedback, I learned to adjust. Not only did it make my videos more pleasant and accurate, but it made me a better person. I do apologize for pulling my channels. I'm back and it will stay up. I have more to upload from the past. I still am critical of what I'll be posting, but to archive my content is something I want very much. Thank you again to everyone for your ongoing support.


I understand. Old content can be hard to look back on and you change so much as a person. Hell, Facebook has a feature that reminds you of status updates from years gone past and that's embarrassing enough for me!

Your videos have always been very in-depth. It's easy to see that you spend a lot of time playing through mods/maps during your walkthroughs based on the information you provide with how many enemies/secrets there are and the different strategies you can implement in each area.

I appreciate that on top of that, you also want to provide the highest quality content that you can offer.
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 06, 2019 6:56 am
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Chris wrote:
...It wouldn't be the first time someone faked cancer or an illness to get attention/sympathy.

...
!?!? I don't know who's cancer scare you're talking about. I'm missing out on something.

Hi, AnchorKnight.

I should look up RussianStormís Youtube channel this week and see what part of the conversation Iím missing out on.

The mod I mentioned with Picasso and George W Bush is some sort of version of Turbocharged Arcade: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/VideoGame/TurbochargedArcade The Doom Guy was on a volcano and fell into lava. Then the text on the screen said, ďYou f*cktard! Didnít yo mama teach ya not to jump into molten lava!?Ē Excuse my language, but I remember you laughing at that! If you type that you still canít find the old video of it on your computer anymore, then thatís fine.

I'd like to see the re-upload of the level 69 video without commentary. I remember it was the second tunnel in the level.

What screen capture program and settings do you now recommend that I use if I want to upload video game playthrough videos?

-stathmk
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 06, 2019 3:49 pm
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Ah yes, I remember Turbo Charged Arcade. Yeah, that's gone. I did post floor 69 today.

I would recommend Bandicam. I've tried a lot of recorders and Bandicam is just the easiest and most reliable. it's inexpensive, too.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 07, 2019 6:37 pm
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stathmk wrote:
Chris wrote:
...It wouldn't be the first time someone faked cancer or an illness to get attention/sympathy.

...
!?!? I don't know who's cancer scare you're talking about. I'm missing out on something.
This was an incident that happened on a Wolf3D message board on Yahoo. Definitely didn't involve DHWs, although BrotherTank was on the Yahoo board at the time.
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